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Withdrawing

Today I nuked a number of online accounts, most notably my Facebook and SG accounts.

Of late I’ve simply been experiencing too many triggers, events that bring back all-too-real memories of past traumas, and I have been continuously on the verge of losing my shit.

Getting close to people unhinges me. It’s as if falling in love, instead of being a happy occasion, becomes a narrow road fraught with loose boulders and traps. Two decades of dealing, mostly successfully, with childhood abuse come crashing down around my ears the moment I feel I’m in a position of vulnerability. When I need to open up I balk, rear up or run. (Or all three.)

So, I just want to hide away for a while. Minimise my contact with people.

Maybe one day I can heal this.

Date: July 23, 2012
Author: Diaan Mynhardt
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